Q: Lately, I’ve noticed the use of âgrace widowâ for a woman living in grace after being abandoned by her husband. Thinking it may be related to âgrass widow,â I checked some non-scholarly sources online. Now Iâm more confused than ever. Can you lexical experts clear things up?
A: The term “grass widowâ has gone through a lot of changes in its 500-year history. At one time it even inspired a variant spelling, âgrace widow,â which took on a life of its own.
One thing hasn’t changed, though. Neither has ever meant an actual widowâthat is, a woman whose husband is dead, a term we wrote about in 2010.
Weâll take a look first at âgrass widow,â which now generally means a woman whose husband is temporarily away or a woman who’s divorced.
The phrase made its debut in English writing in the 16th century, several hundred years before âgrace widowâ appeared on the scene.
In the 1500s, a âgrass widowâ was not a respectable woman. The term meant âan unmarried woman who has cohabited with one or more men,â or âa discarded mistress,â in the words of the Oxford English Dictionary. It also meant an unmarried mother, according to the dictionaryâs citations.
The term was first recorded, the OED says, in a 1529 religious treatise by Thomas More, who wrote: âFor then had wyuys [wives] ben in his [St. Paulâs] time lytel better than grasse wydowes be now.â
These later OED citations show that âgrass widowsâ were often single mothers:
âThe 31 day was buriâd Marie the daughtr of Elizabeth London graswidow.â (From town records of Stoke-by-Nayland, Suffolk, 1582.)
âA Grass-Widow, one that pretends to have been Married, but never was, yet has Children.â (From a slang collection, A New Dictionary of the Terms Ancient and Modern of the Canting Crew, 1699.)
But what was the significance of âgrassâ in the phrase? It had nothing to do with âwidowâs weedsââthat is mourning clothes. And in its original sense âgrass widowâ had no connection with notions of being âturned out to grass.â
In fact, the entire term âgrass widowâ may have come down to us from Germanic languages. The OED notes comparable words with the same meaning in Middle Low German (graswedewe), Dutch (grasweduwe), Swedish (gräsenka), and Danish (grĂŚsenke), as well as the German strohwittwe, literally âstraw-widow.â (Interestingly, there’s an equivalent term in French, veuve de paille, âstraw widow.â)
âThe etymological notion is obscure,â the OEDÂ says. âIt has been suggested,â the dictionary adds, that words for grass and straw âmay have been used with opposition to bed.â So a âgrass widowâ might provide a roll in the hay, so to speakâan illicit sexual tryst, not necessarily in a bed.
In a usage note, The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (5th ed.) has this explanation: âThe grass in grass widow seems to have originally made reference to the makeshift bed of grass or hay (as opposed to a real bed with a mattress and sheets) on which a woman might lie with her lover before he rises and abandons herâleaving her a widow, so to speak, in the grass.â
As we wrote on the blog in 2015, grass and the color green have had sexual connotations since the Middle Ages. For example, the OED describes âgreen gownâ as an archaic and historical term for âa dress stained green from rolling in grass.â
âGrass widowâ was still used in the sense of an illicit sexual partner well into the 1800s. Â On May 23, 1856, the Brooklyn Daily Eagle referred to Maria Fitzherbert, mistress of King George IV, as a âgrass widow.â And A Glossary of Yorkshire Words and Phrases, published that same year, defined âgrass widowâ as âa female of easy virtue, a prostitute.â
However, âgrass widowâ was gaining more respectable meanings in the mid-19th century. Most notably, it came to mean a married woman whose husband is away, as when his work takes him elsewhere.
This sense of âa married woman whose husband is absent from her,â the OED says, may have arisen after the original, pejorative meaning âhad ceased to be generally understood.â
The more respectable usage, Oxford suggests, may have been influenced by the 16th-century expression âturned out to grass,â in the figurative sense of being on vacation or freed from oneâs duties.
This newer sense of âgrass widowâ was first recorded in a short story by Johnson J. Hooper, an American humorist: âJohn Greenâs sister, (the grass widder, as lives with âem), she goes to her battling bench.â (From âTaking the Census in Alabama,â originally published in 1843 in the magazine Spirit of the Times.)
The term was also used in Australian, Anglo-Indian, and British English, as in these OED citations:
âThe absence of so many of âthe lords of creationâ in pursuit of what they value ⌠more than all the women in the worldânuggets. The wives thus left in town to deplore their husbandsâ infatuation, are termed âgrass-widowsââa mining expression.â (From A Ladyâs Visit to the Gold Diggings of Australia, by Ellen Clacy, 1853.)
âGrass widows in the hills are always writing to their husbands, when you drop in upon them.â (From John Langâs book Wanderings in India, 1859.)
âThe pretty grass-widow ⌠is going because every one else is gone.â (From the Englishmanâs Magazine, August 1865.)
âExpectant husbands come out to meet the âgrass widowsâ who have travelled with us.â (From an 1884 journal entry by Lady Dufferin, Vicereine of India, published in Our Viceregal Life in India, 1889.)
In the United States, âgrass widowâ also came to mean a woman whose husband has deserted her. The Brooklyn Daily Eagle used this sense of the phrase in a news item on May 7, 1857: âHis sister was a âgrass widow,â her husband having left her years ago.â
What does âgrass widowâ mean today? Dictionaries differ somewhat, though most include a meaning not cited in the OED: a divorced woman.
American Heritage has the broadest number of definitions: â1. A woman who is divorced or separated from her husband. 2. A woman whose husband is temporarily absent. 3. An abandoned mistress. 4. The mother of a child born out of wedlock.â
However, both Webster’s New World College Dictionary (4th ed.) and Merriam-Webster Unabridged say that only the first two uses are standard today. (M-W  labels #3 and #4 as dialectal, and the OED says they’re perhaps obsolete.)
Yet another source, the Cambridge Dictionary online, has only the #2 meaning, which it phrases this way: âa woman who spends a lot of time apart from her partner, often because he or she is working in a different place.â
Now, on to âgrace widow,â a comparatively rare term. As is often the case, youâll find a lot of nonsense about it on the Internet.
For example, itâs sometimes suggested that âgrace widowâ was the original phrase, later corrupted to âgrass widow.â This isnât true.
The OED has no entry for âgrace widowâ (and neither do standard dictionaries), but in its entry for âgrass widow,â Oxford rejects âthe notion that the word is a âcorruptionâ of grace-widow.â
In fact âgrace widowâ did not occur in English, according to our researches, until the early 19th century (300 years after âgrass widowâ), when âgrace widowâ was used to mean an unmarried mother.
The earliest example weâve found is from Edward Moorâs book Suffolk Words and Phrases: An Attempt to Collect the Lingual Localisms of That County (1823):
âGRACE WIDOW. A woman who had âa child for her cradle ere she had a husband for her bed.â It ought rather to be grace-less.â
We found another example in a short story, published a few years later in Boston, about an elderly unmarried mother: âHannah was a spinsterâor, as the country people denominate a single woman, who has to support a familyâa grace widow.â (From âOld Hannah,â by Susanna Strickland, published in the Atheneum, March 1829.)
In these contexts, âgrass widow,â the long-established phrase for an unmarried mother, would have been the expected usage. So why was âgraceâ substituted for âgrassâ?
We don’t know. Perhaps âgraceâ made more sense to people than âgrassââthat is, an unmarried mother was given the title âwidowâ by âgrace,â or courtesy. Or perhaps people thought âgrassâ was a mispronunciation of âgrace.â
For whatever reason, it seems clear that âgrace widowâ originally cropped up as a variant spelling of âgrass widow.â
However, within 30 years claims were made that (1) âgraceâ was the original term, and (2) a âgrace widowâ was not a mistress or unmarried mother, but rather a married woman deserted by her husband.
Both assertions appeared in this letter to the editor in the March 1859 issue of the Ladies Repository, a Methodist magazine published in Cincinnati:
âGRASS-WIDOW.âThe epithet is probably a corruption of the French word graceâpronounced gras. The expression is thus equivalent to femme veuve de grace, foemina vidua ex gratia, a widow, not in fact, butâcalled soâby grace or favor. Hence grass-widow would mean a grace widow: one who is made so, not by the death of her husband, but by the kindness of her neighbors, who are pleased to regard the desertion of her husband as equivalent to his death.â
The only truth in that statement is that vidua ex gratia could be translated âwidow by favorâ and the French veuve de grâce as âwidow by grace.â But thereâs no evidence that those Latin or French phrases were ever in use.
No French dictionary weâve seenâhistorical, etymological, or modernâhas an entry for, or even a mention of, veuve de grâce. And no Latin dictionary has vidua ex gratia. They don’t appear in official documents in any of the historical databases weâve searched.
The story was further embroidered in the 1870s, when another element was added: the claim that the âgraceâ came not from kind neighbors but from a higher authority. Supposedly a âgrace widowâ was a divorced or abandoned wife who was given a dispensation to call herself a widow by the âgraceâ of the pope or the Roman Catholic Church.
The first to suggest this, as far as we can tell, was apparently David Turpie, an Indianapolis judge and later US senator from Indiana, who made the claim in a speech delivered to a literary society in 1875.
We found this paragraph in the May 5, 1875, issue of an Indianapolis newspaper, the Evening News, under the headline âGrass Widowâ:
âJudge Turpie has been reading a paper to the âFiat Luxâ Society on the origin of the phrase, âgrass widow,â or rather âgrace widow,â for the first has no foundation in fact, and is simply a barbarism, or fungus which has attached itself to the English language. âGrace widowâ is the term for one who becomes a widow by grace or favor, not of necessity, as by death, and originated in the early ages of European civilization, when divorces were granted but seldom, and wholly by authority of the Catholic church. When such decree was granted to a woman the Papal receipt stated âViduca de gratia,â which interpreted is âwidow of grace.â In the law of France it would read âVeuve de grace,â which in English gives âwidow of grace,â or âgrace widow,â âveuveâ being translated as âwidow.â â
The judge apparently mangled the Latin vidua ex gratia as “Viduca de gratia.” As we’ve said, we couldn’t find vidua ex gratia in any Latin dictionaries or church documents. Nor, of course, could we find the gibberish “Viduca de gratia.”
In fact, nowhere in any official documentsâreligious or secular, English or Americanâhave we found a single instance of the phrase âgrace widow.â Nor have we found any instance of a womanâs being declared a widow by reason of divorce or desertion.
Certainly marriages could be annulled or dissolved, but even in those cases, as far as we can tell, no woman was ever subsequently proclaimed a widow by any court or ecclesiastical authority.
Nevertheless, Judge Turpieâs assertions live on. News agencies must have distributed that brief news item as short âfiller,â since the same paragraph, credited to the Indianapolis News and with only minor changes, later ran in newspapers in New Zealand, Australia, and the United States (including the New York Times).
In the 1890s the same paragraph, or part of it, was also reproduced in the British journal Notes and Queries as well as in E. Cobham Brewerâs Dictionary of Phrase and Fable (it was dropped in the 1959 edition).
In 1889 the term âgrace widowâ even appeared in A Dictionary of Law, by William Caldwell Anderson: âGrace widow. A widow by grace, by decree of a court; a wife living apart from her husband; a grass widow.â
But in 1895 an article in Law Book News excoriated Andersonâs work and specifically mentioned âgrace widow,â calling Andersonâs derivation âphilologically impossibleâ and âpronounced by the best authorities to be âcertainly wrong.â â
The Law Book News writer probably quoted The Century Dictionary of 1889, which had this in its âgrass-widowâ entry: âThe explanation reflected in the dial. form grace-widow, as if a widow by grace or courtesy, is certainly wrong.â
Nevertheless, once that mythological “grace widow” etymology was in circulation, it continued to crop up in early 20th-century publications.
And although Brewerâs Dictionary later dropped âgrace widowâ and other authors attempted to set the record the straight, the myth survives on the Internet.
In his book Devious Derivations (2002), the editor and word sleuth Hugh Rawson calls âgrace widowâ a âfalse refinement.â As he writes, âThe grass widow, divorced or otherwise separated from her husband, is not termed a widow by French grâce, as if this were a courtesy title.â
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